Peering through the contrast window, Looking for the vast tomorrow. Where he lie away from you, Is he thinking of the blue? Is he thinking of the way, Your pearl of skin, luminous face. Falling down, into your dream. What dreams so far, so true, embrace. Blue, the thought, the eye, the womb. The comfort brought from in your gloom. Is he there to think of you? Is he thinking of the blue? |
Author's CommentsComments
 i love ur interpretation of the photo..i love the last stanza..overall you did a awesome job
 -- So I'm Driftin Away Like A Feather In Air Lettin My Words Take Me Away From The Hurt And Despair So I'm Keepin It Vertical Forever Elevator Ridin The Escalator To The Somethin That Is Greater thank you so much. It was just a quick spark of inspiration so I wrote what came to my mind. I was going to keep on, but when I finished the last stanza, I felt a sense of completion.
-- -Aven no problem..you did great and your right you could add more to the last stanza..well anyways keep writing you have skills
-- So I'm Driftin Away Like A Feather In Air Lettin My Words Take Me Away From The Hurt And Despair So I'm Keepin It Vertical Forever Elevator Ridin The Escalator To The Somethin That Is Greater Well thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my writing. I really enjoy writing and people seem to enjoy it too. I will experiment with the last stanza. I want to add more, but I just love the way it ends.
-- -Aven  It has a very romantic feel to it, and goes very well with the image. Well done.
Have you ever tried doing a sonnet? Lastly, you have a typo in your 3rd line I believe. -- -Quod me nutrit me destruit- Where he lie away from you, is he thinking of the blue?
What type are you talking about? lie? And thank you, I tried to put a romantic touch with the gloomy picture. And yes I have done many, many sonnets. I prefer to do a little bit of my own deal. -- -Aven Yes. Shouldn't it be "lies?"
I can dig that.  The form was sonnetish though, so I wondered. 3/4 of a sonnet.  -- -Quod me nutrit me destruit- Ya it really should. but when you hear, WHere he lies away from you, you think more towards a liar, I was bouncing back between lay and lie, and where he lay away from you sounds like he's screwing other people. so i went with lie. I have a bit of an ocd with writing. lol
-- -Aven Hah. Yeah. I thought of "lies" anyway though, even as "lie," and the "lie" draws even more attention to itself since it's grammatically incorrect.
-- -Quod me nutrit me destruit- |
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